Perhaps, with each dream
I'm closer
to the knowledge
to the ugly truth
of how my son died,
after someone hit him hard,
after he fell,
after he lost consciousness,
after his friends carried
and deposited him
on a couch,
to sleep.
Perhaps
he dreamed
of running and chasing his dog
in the forest
by a river
falling in
fighting to get out
looking for a steady branch
to hold on to.
Perhaps
loss of consciousness spared
him pain
anger
fear-
all his senses
numbed
to knowledge.
Perhaps, he's still dreaming past this moment.
Perhaps, when I wake
I'll dismiss all what lies in dreams.
Dreams become so vivid after the death of a loved one, sometimes comforting, sometimes revelatory. With so much unknown, of course we wonder. And hope. We do the best we can day by day. I honor you as you do your best.
ReplyDeletewe can only hope
ReplyDeletemercy was given in the moment
hugs.
I hurt for you.. for your deep loss. Dreams can indeed be unsettling or affirming. Take from them what you need and dismiss the rest. Hugs to you, Rosaria.
ReplyDeleteDear Rosaria,
ReplyDeleteBrian has said what is also in my heart ...
Sending love your way,
Helen
Rosaria, they say time is a healer; that we will find closure - eventually. But I have found that there is a permanent hole - a space in my heart - that I don't want filled or closed. It's the space where my love and longing for my loved one lives for safekeeping. I can feel your pain and great eternal love you have for your son. Hugs.
ReplyDeleteOh, Rosaria. I hope you find some comfort in your dreams and some insights for further healing. I can't begin to imagine the pain of your loss. But I know that we do work many issues out in our dreams. I remember a particular dream I had about my mother three years after her sudden death that enabled me to reach a new point of healing. It was a dream where she asked me if I loved her enough to let her go and making that promise to let go was wrenching. But it was the beginning of healing for me. I hope that these dreams are similarly healing and comforting to you. I think of you and pray for you so often when I am reminded of the loss of your wonderful Brian.
ReplyDeletebig hug
ReplyDeleteit is not just for my safety or your safety that i think this is in a very profound way true, "Perhaps, he's still dreaming past this moment."
ReplyDeletepainfully gorgeous, rosaria)))
xo
erin
I have no words.
ReplyDeleteHugs for having to lose your son.
ReplyDeleteI love the thought that he is still dreaming past this moment.
Rosaria – what a poignant poem, but as you say “perhaps he is still dreaming.” Hugs, VB
ReplyDeletei've been thinking a lot about dreams lately, and wondering if consciousness overlaps between them, life and death. i think it does. in fact, i don't think the connection between them can be severed, really. it is all part of one, unwarpable whole. my heart goes out to you, rosaria. i believe at the essence of our existence, you are brian are eternally connected.
ReplyDelete