Friday, December 2, 2011

So many miles before...

I've been negligent for a while now.
Unable to pick up pen and paper and write back.
I'm still panicking when I think about what happened.
Many people took time to visit, leave notes, contribute to Brian's memorial, and I can't find them or know enough to find them in an easy sweep, in a I'm so glad you stopped and cared sweep, that I bury my head and just sob away.

I have miles of words I want to utter, words I want to send you, words I want to acquire to form thoughts and to have thoughts bloom into smiling sentences.

Today, before dawn, I put all of his things away. All but a few pictures.
On Hubby's desk, papers and correspondence with  probate lawyers.
On my desk, papers, and addresses, and notes to myself.
I need to attend to these and to holiday notes as well.

This voyage has many miles ahead.


  1. Oh Rosaria, my heart is breaking for you. I understand. I am 18 months down the road. The cards are all in a basket, unattended. I fired a housekeeper because she emptied the basket and put the cards in a planter that had dirt in it. What was she thinking????
    I could not bear to think that she did such a thing.

    My husband took care of all papers and correspondence on Julie's estate. I could not bear to do so. I had to go to a therapists office to even open and read the death certificate.

    You are ahead of me in putting things away. We each do what we can at the time when we can do it.

    I do what I can when I can. The road does seem long. The voyage is never ending. Grief is a journey.

    I send you my love and my tears.

  2. Hugs to you Rosaria. I can't imagine the pain you have felt.

  3. I wish you as much peace as possible on this incredibly difficult journey you have been forced to take.

  4. Just do what you can and say what you can and sob what you can. No one expects anymore. You are not alone on this so difficult road.

  5. Dear Rosaria
    I think of you often and worry about your emotional self ... As others say, there is no timeline for coming to terms with something this tragic. Day by day, minute by minute, dear one.

  6. Our hearts go out to you, we wish we could spare you the pain you must go through. We can but be here for you to come whenever your can, whenever you wish for however long you need. Bless you, Rosaria, and Peace be with you ...

  7. Oh Rosaria. I have come to care so much about you in such a short time and only hope peace will not continue to allude you much longer.

  8. It's a long road. Just take one step at a time. No one demands anything from you.

  9. rosaria, this occurs to me as something that might perhaps be helpful, as something perhaps i would do. what of a blog (or even private) to pound it out without apology or even without thought. let the words and feelings flow, go out into the world like birds, because this what they want. they want life, too, they want freedom, they want a chance to exist and shouldn't they? your grief is no less real than your happiness and there is no time table. what of a stream of consciousness place? what might you teach yourself?