Thursday, June 20, 2013

Afraid to speak.

There were three musicians who had played together before, were comfortable with the pieces they chose, and their lives today were no different than the other times when they take their chairs and perform in public.

The poets and storytellers too were pros, veterans of many such gatherings, where family and close friends meet to listen and appreciate a good piece of music close and up-front, where an afternoon is easily shared with the neighbor down the street or the mayor and his wife.  Yes, these kinds of events are familiar to lots of people.

I was on my maiden voyage here, reading three poems from this blog, all dark and ponderous and not at all in the same light mood as the Vivaldi piece we heard.
I apologized for the dark themes; and then turned the mike to another poet whose verses are light and whimsical. Everyone applauded.

At the end, as I walked off in the rain toward my car, one of the musicians told me how my words had touched her. "We are not supposed to talk about depression, but I knew just where you were, with each poem. I have been there!"

Thank you, I said, and smiled back at her. I wanted to hug her then and there, in the rain, on the street, in front of everyone. It's always good to know another soul goes through what you go through.

The next day, my neighbor told me I made her feel guilty. Why? Because I didn't realize you have been feeling this low all this time and I wasn't there for you.

It's all good, I said. We all feel lots of stuff all the time. I was just voicing what we avoid voicing.

16 comments:

  1. good on you for voicing what needs to be...and hey if you would have been light and fluffy you would not have been true to yourself...or touched that musician...so dont feel bad on sharing dark...

    i have a bit of constraints myself this weekend at the performance and have to choose wisely...but i will give them a good blend...smiles.

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    1. Oh yes, I'm nothing but true to myself. Thanks for the encouragement in this field, Brian.

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    1. Linda, I tend to volunteer, and then feel the pressure.

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  3. You are someone of great depth and character, Rosaria. I am not surprised that you should have touched someone with your heart...

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  4. I doubt you will ever truly know how many lives you touch .... I have told many friends about you .. the tragedy you suffered, your talent for cooking, for writing, for embracing nature, conservation, the empathy you have for others.

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  5. You should have followed your impulse and hugged her. When Mr. Eva was in surgery for colon cancer, I was sitting in the waiting room by myself, crying. My son was on his way to sit with me, but hadn't arrived yet. A total stranger came over and hugged me and I was so grateful, I thanked her. Hugs are always welcome.

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    1. Yes. Hugs put everything back in place. Thanks, Eva.

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  6. I bet that must have felt good. Your voice is not just a lonely sound in the world waiting to be heard. You write beautifully and with a sense of reality that touches people deeply. I'm not surprised by that musician's reaction. Many thanks.

    Greetings from London.

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  7. Dark themes. Yes, I understand those. And you were brave to find a voice for the things we avoid. (I try that sometimes, too.)

    Even thought I follow you here, too I had never actually signed on. That surprised me. I have amended my behaviour.

    Blessings and Bear hugs!
    Bears Noting
    Life in the Urban Forest (poetry).

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    1. Rob, it is people like you who have shown me the way. Thanks for being such a strong model for all of us.

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  8. It’s nice to have people respond to you like this. I know sometimes it’s hard to keep smiling.

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    1. But we do! A smile always begets a smile.

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